I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
