I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
