Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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