I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
