Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
