how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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