Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
