She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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