Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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