I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you win again, gameday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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