There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
