woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm at about main and main street
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
