today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
