Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
