I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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