she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
