3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
