my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
