They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
