Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
