I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
