omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
