My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
