at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
