I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
