Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
