Already got asked if we're dating
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i think i just lost a toe
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