I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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