My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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