My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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