Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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