you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
