Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
