I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
