I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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