batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Pooping to opera.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
