After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
