It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
