i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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