He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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