Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
