you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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