It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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