you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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