And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was born a porn star she said
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
