I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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