More tranny stories later!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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