So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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