I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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