Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
