If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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