i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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