I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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