After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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