glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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