Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Houston, we have a squirter
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
