We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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