just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
