tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
