I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
