I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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