I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
