Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
