I can tuck mytits in my pants
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
