I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
