i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
