UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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