you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
