Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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