Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
