Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MIDGETS
????
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
