how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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