how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
