Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Shame - the story of my life.
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