I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
