used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
