Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
