I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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