stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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