Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
