I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
