if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
