so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
