When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
